New year, a better me

It’s the last day of 2014 and I’m sitting here in the Dominican Republic reflecting back on my past 365 days. It’s been a year of change. A year of pain, sorrow, excitement, happiness, new perspective and many blessings. One year ago I was in the north of Sweden and it had been 10 days since I found out about my friend’s suicide. I was a mess – I couldn’t eat, sleep or think. I thought I was going mad. I had the most horrible nightmares and I couldn’t stop but to think of people hanging themselves. Not a great start of a new year to say the least.

As I came back to Paris, where I was living, I became more and more uncomfortable where I was. I left work many times because I simply couldn’t be there. It reminded me of my friend (who was also a colleague) and also of the fact that I wasn’t where I was meant to be. I was screaming on the inside. The reminder of that I was at the wrong place and in the wrong city kept coming back and when I left work for perhaps the 5th time in tears, I knew the situation was unsustainable. I wouldn’t be mad to leave, but I would definitely be mad if I stayed.

So changes took place. I quit my job, I traveled a lot (South of France, Monaco, Spain, London, Prague and New York), I challenged myself in all areas of my life to build myself up again. Not just to where I had been but towards the path I was meant to go. And I was smiling again. Genuinely this time. I was so happy that my dad thought I was on drugs or depressed (not sure how that makes sense). The day I left work I dreamt that I was flying and kissing dolphins. Lol. I felt so liberated – I had set myself free.

During the fall I went to New York and I started a business. That had been what I’d longed to do. Step by step, I will make my dream happen. It’s a long way to there – I need a US visa and my business to generate income but I’m determined to make it happen.

Just as I made a list of what I did in 2014, here’s my list for what I want to happen in 2015:

– Overcome more fears

– Have my business flourish

– Meet the love of my life

– Develop my inner connection

– Never let something negative take up more than one day

– Help people become happier

– Meet more inspirational people

– Travel to South America

– Like more posts on Instagram

– Show people that I care more often, even if they didn’t ask me for help

– Judge people less

– Forgive more

– Stop caring about what others will think

– Have my hair back to normal (lost half of it during the difficult period in December)

– Win the green card lottery

– Live in New York

– Meet a dear friend who’s living in Canada

– Spend lots of time with family and friends

– Get more positive and energetic

– Have many awesome and unpredictable days and nights

– Tap into unknown skills

– Go to Envision festival in Costa Rica

– Be more trusting, forgiving, positive, laughing, flexible, tolerant and smiling

– Love more

Live, Love

Breathe in. Feel how this day fills you up with life. Life! You are alive and that’s worth a celebration. Every day that you go on living is worth a celebration.

All the cells in your body works to keep you alive and all you are asked is to do is this: To take advantage of Life.

Live it fully. Love unconditionally.

Amen.

Be the change

I’ve spent the past week with my family here in the Dominican. It’s been amazing and I’ve loved it, BUT I’ve struggled to keep my balance and focus. My number one priority every day is to feel good – only then can I attract good things into my life, manifest what I desire and spread all that goodness to others. I’m trying to re-program myself to live life without resistance, to letting myself get pulled into that ‘flow of life’. I’m making a lot of progress, but when I’m around my family I tend to slip into old behaviors.

My dad is a very logical and rational person, a typical left-brain mentality. I love him, but it’s difficult sometimes when we don’t look at life the same way. He thinks that we have to work hard and struggle to get what we want, while I believe the exact opposite; working hard and struggle only attracts more hard work and struggle.

Instead of just accepting and loving him for the way he is, I’ve tried to change him. Ohh so many times I’ve tried. When I see him struggle I just want to tell him “THERE IS A BETTER WAY TO DO THIS”. I so badly want him to experience how life CAN be.

Since he’s a medical professor I’ve tried to scientifically show how, for example chakras (our energy centers) DO exist. Yesterday my mom and I held a crystal stone over each chakra to demonstrate how it was moving circles due to the energy of the chakras. He still thinks that it was my hand moving, even thought it WAS STILL.

So I’ve decided now to stop trying to change him (because he is perfect the way he is) and instead BE THE CHANGE I want to see in the world.

Well said words Buddha.

A song for you

Yesterday when I was sitting on top of a hill here in the Dominican jungle, an old man came and sat down next to me. We didn’t talk, but I know he had noticed me.

I was thinking about you. I was meditating and sending you healing energy, strength and abundant love. As I was in this moment, the old man started to sing. It was a song from his heart that went directly into mine.

I know he was singing for you ❤️

When there’s no escape

Death is a topic difficult to talk about. Why? Because most of us are not used to talking about it. We try to ignore it until that very day when it looks us straight into the eyes.

I don’t want to fear death, not for myself or anyone else. I want to be able to look at it as something beautiful – a transition to something better.

I believe that when we die, we transcend to our true source. It’s where we let go of all resistance and live in complete peace, harmony and with unconditional love.

Yet I have a friend who’s dying and I cannot help but to feel sad. I’m sad that he’s leaving way too young, that he recently met the love of his life and probably won’t have time to marry her or have children (they would have amazing children!). I’m sad that I’m losing a very dear friend of mine, someone who’s always been there for me and helped me move in the direction of my true self. I will miss our daily interaction. I’m sad that the world will be a bit less magical without him in it (although I know he’ll be around, not just in the same physical form).

I heard yesterday that when someone dies we don’t actually miss them – we miss the fact that they bring us closer to who we really are, closer to source.

I know he doesn’t want me to feel sad, so I’m thinking instead of how grateful I am that our paths crossed. That I had the chance to know this wonderful person.