A thought about men

Why do men take up SO much of our time? If they only knew… We talk about them, analyze them and imagine things insanely quickly after meeting someone (like how our name sounds with their last name). If I would get a cent for every hour I’ve spent with girlfriends talking about men, I’d be rich by now.

We’re trying to be ‘high-value’ and in just one second, everything we’ve built up can be torn down. In one second our desire and need for a man can erase all our principles. All logic disappear and a voice inside is telling us to go against everything that is ‘high-value’. That little devil voice is telling us to: ‘send another text’, ‘ask to meet one more time’, ‘call again’. One minute we’re in full control, the next one it’s like we lost it all.

Stupid, amazing, annoying, fantastic, adorable men. What do you do to us?

A day of LOVE

Make today amazing. Whatever you’re doing, just stop and breath in the air. Feel the air that fills your lungs with energy, oxygen and LIFE. You’re alive and that’s a miracle itself. You’re here on this earth to experience all its magic. You’re here to live, dance, play, share moments, give, take, dare, take risks, laugh, inspire, get inspired and to LOVE. Not just love for a significant other, but to love life. Love what you’re doing, love the people you’re surrounded by, love the animals, the nature. Make this day about love. Feel how you’re filled with so much love, you simple can’t help but to give it to other people. It simply spills over. Feel how your love expands beyond the room you’re in, beyond the city, country and the continent you’re on. Your love is so powerful and it affects so many. Now that’s amazing.

“I love love, and I love life. I love. I just love. It’s just great. It’s the most enduring element we have love.” – Gary Busey

Feeling it all

During my mom’s visit I realized something about myself. Her and me always talk a lot about how and why things happened the way they did, our reactions, feelings etc. Hobby-analyzing perhaps. What I discovered was that I have two extremes when it comes to strength and sensitivity. I’m extremely emotional/ sensitive, but also very strong / courageous / determined. Understanding this for both myself and others, haven’t been easy. Even my mom didn’t get me for a long time – she thought I lacked sensitivity when the truth was the exact opposite. In my work I’ve always heard that I’m either “like a bull” or “way too sensitive“. That I’m both became clear to me this weekend and understanding this helped a lot.

When thinking about it, these two sides are actually closer than one might think. I feel a lot all the time. I feel EVERYTHING, and I’m not afraid neither to feel or express my emotions. Some can see this as a weakness, as someone who’s very fragile, when I in fact see it as a strength. Many people push away difficult emotions, because they’re afraid of them. I believe our emotions guides us in the right direction and feeling bad isn’t bad, it’s just a clear sign that we’re not where we should be or that we haven’t accepted a certain situation as it is. Feeling a negative emotion, understanding where it’s coming from and moving away from / accepting a situation allows us to release it and LET GO. Only when we let go of what no longer serves us can we make room for new things to come into our lives. If we’ve never felt pain, we can’t know true joy. If we’ve never felt sorrow, we can’t know true happiness. If we’ve never had our hearts broken, we can’t know true love.

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” – Louise Erdrich 

Astrological reading – Yikes!

A friend of our family does astrological reading and so a few days ago I asked him to do one for me. When I saw his reponse yesterday I was chocked. It wasn’t very positive, it wasn’t positive for the next 1,5 year (!). He clearly stated that I decide if it has any relation to myself and even though he uses the word “You”, that doesn’t mean Maria, but instead the way the heavens looked at the time of my birth relative to how the heavens look now. I have to be honest, I was completely taken off guard with this email and since then I’ve been thinking a lot on how to handle it. Below is the message.

“What jumps out is: Yikes!  You are in the midst of the most difficult, restrictive, perhaps depressing period of your life. The good news is that you are more than half way through it. The bad news is that 2015 will be even more challenging.

Let me explain. I once worked with a young woman who was always cheerful, bright, happy, and smiling.  I barely knew her.  As I was leaving work one day, she was leaving at the same time.  She was her same old vivacious self.  I don’t know why, but I asked her: “Carol, how ARE you? —- putting stress on the word “ARE”.  She looked at me, her face changed, tears welled into her eyes, and she started to sob “My life is falling apart!” and ran away in tears.

The Chart says I don’t have to ask you that question. You are the picture of that young woman.  You project to everyone a happy, optimistic attitude, but for the last couple of years your self identity, your career, your ability to give and receive affection, your financial resources, have been battered.  The more neutral word is “tested”.  But your sense of self, and self-confidence have been shaken.  And as someone with very strong emotions,  you only bruise on the inside.  You feel as if nobody has a clue how bad you feel inside.

So, if life is a banquet, the next course will be a feeling of loneliness and Depression, made worse by the fact that you will believe that no one understands what is going on inside your soul.  There is a line in a movie where a young woman who has been abandoned by her lover and is about to be deported to a rather unpleasant place, says:  “I’ve been frightened, I’ve been alone, without money or friends, but I’ve never felt anything like this.”

So the good news is this— as trying as 2015 will be for your inner feelings, 2016 looks completely different.  It looks very positive for work and luck.  

So how do you handle the next 18 months?  Give yourself permission to express your inner feelings.  You have a natural talent to write and to communicate.  Take this time to get in touch with your heart and soul.  See if you can help others.  Understand that there is a warm glow of love from your family and your true friends that surrounds you.

Remember that everybody goes through these periods, to one extent or another.  Unlike you, few get hit all at once.  And you can learn a lot from this period.  When my colleague burst into tears, I did not know how to react to help her.  Now that I am older and have experienced such times, I know now how I could have helped.  So too you will know after next year.”

There are some things I agree with in the above. Yes – my self identity, my career, my ability to give and receive affection have been “tested” and perhaps also battered. My sense of self and self-confidence have been shaken. I am a person with very strong emotions and for a long time I was / might still be bruised on the inside. I experienced a great deal of suffering this past year and this impacted me a lot – so to the extent that I decided to change my life. However, there are some things I do not agree with – I don’t think I’m the woman who pretends that everything is OK when it’s not. Maybe I’ve been her, but I’m not her anymore. That is why I started this blog; to be completely honest about my journey and to share both the happy and the difficult times. I have no interest whatsoever in pretending that things are good when they’re not.

After reading the email multiple times, calming myself down and getting some perspective, I’ve decided to take a way one clear message: to continue to get more in touch with my heart and soul. By walking this path I’ve discovered just how much strengh I have inside and that I CHOOSE the way I want to look at things. I can either chose to let this email scare me and make me prepare for yet ‘another difficult year’ – OR I can choose to take the messages I find relevant out of it and continue. Like a good friend of mine told me: “You see, trying times, difficult times are going to happen. It’s part of life. But it’s OUR reaction to how we handle these things that make the difference. It is our choice“. I’ve written several times that Fear is what can stop me. This is a perfect example of how I CANNOT GIVE POWER TO FEAR. I’ve decided to walk this path and I’m convinced that whatever happens, happens for a reason and for the best. I also strongly believe that I don’t get what I want from the universe, I get what I need. I know I won’t get anything I can’t handle, so whatever awaits me – I’m here and I’m ready.

“Reality is not so much what happens to us; rather, it is how we think about those events that create the reality we experience. In a very real sense, this means that we each create the reality in which we live.” ~ Dr. Albert Ellis

French, feathers and amazing products

Yesterday I met a French friend of mine. He doesn’t speak much English, so our conversations are all in French. Since I felt tired from the detox, I had a very hard time communicating. Can’t say I was the best of company. Lol. Anway, he told me to come by his place later that evening. My other plans had just gotten cancelled, so I thought that spending the evening with him watching a movie or something could be nice. Well…. when I came to his place there were plenty of food and drinks prepared. I asked him why, he didn’t expect more people did he? Apparently, during our conversation earlier he had invited me to an evening of ‘product demonstrations’ with his colleagues. Yes, I was a bit chocked that I hadn’t understood that small detail. Lol.

The next 4 hours were all in French, they were explaining and we were testing the products. No one spoke English except for one guy who had very limited English. It wasn’t what I was in the mood for AT ALL – but I actually ended up having really fun. They showed some amazing products that I’m now considering to sell as well. It’s all natural ingredients and the products helps to remove toxins, fat, stretch marks, acne, cellulite’s etc. We were two that tested; one girl lost 1 cm around each arm and I did a face mask which made my skin look a lot better – all within 45 min. It’s also permanent. I need to read more about this in English, because I didn’t understand everything but apparently lots of celebrities use it (then it should be good right? 😉 ). I’m always very skeptical to these ‘quick fixes’, but these seems to be very good and healthy products to use. After all, we intake a lot of toxins on a daily basis, so I guess this helps the body restore itself. When I walked back I found a green feather, among several white and grey ones, on the street. A green feather symbolizes money, prosperity, growth, health and fertility.

So what’s my point of all this? If I wouldn’t have been so tired I didn’t understand my friend yesterday, I don’t think I would have come that evening. Then finding this feather on the way back is a clear sign for me from the universe. So stay tuned!