I just came back from a rendez-vous with my ex boyfriend. We haven’t seen each other for 10 months and while I’m in Stockholm I wanted to see him to ‘break free’ from my last attachments to him. I didn’t expect so many emotions to come up… I found out that he and his girlfriend are very happy and that they now are living together. I am truly happy for him, I am, but we’ve been together for 7 years and it’s difficult to not be that ‘special someone’ for him anymore. It felt like there was so much communication happening between our words. Every movement was observed, every look… I know him so well, yet it feels like I don’t know him at all.
He used to be my best friend and the one I could talk to about everything. Now he’s talking to someone else about those things. I know we weren’t a perfect fit, I wanted the world as my home – he wanted to stay in Stockholm and to settle down. We both tried to make each other someone we’re not. He’s more ‘home’, and I’m more ‘away’ as a friend put it. I will always love him, even though I’m no longer in love with him.
What brought up all the emotions this evening was that I got the feeling of having given up on us. And I loved us. He’s met someone new, someone who seems to be ‘the one’. And I haven’t, that’s difficult. But that’s part of it. Out paths are different and even though it didn’t end very pretty (when does it ever?), we still hold so much respect for each other. That says a lot about our relationship, which I’m truly grateful for that I got to experience.
My special someone is still out there. Today, I just need to remind myself why I chose to walk away from my past relationship…