A friend of our family does astrological reading and so a few days ago I asked him to do one for me. When I saw his reponse yesterday I was chocked. It wasn’t very positive, it wasn’t positive for the next 1,5 year (!). He clearly stated that I decide if it has any relation to myself and even though he uses the word “You”, that doesn’t mean Maria, but instead the way the heavens looked at the time of my birth relative to how the heavens look now. I have to be honest, I was completely taken off guard with this email and since then I’ve been thinking a lot on how to handle it. Below is the message.
“What jumps out is: Yikes! You are in the midst of the most difficult, restrictive, perhaps depressing period of your life. The good news is that you are more than half way through it. The bad news is that 2015 will be even more challenging.
Let me explain. I once worked with a young woman who was always cheerful, bright, happy, and smiling. I barely knew her. As I was leaving work one day, she was leaving at the same time. She was her same old vivacious self. I don’t know why, but I asked her: “Carol, how ARE you? —- putting stress on the word “ARE”. She looked at me, her face changed, tears welled into her eyes, and she started to sob “My life is falling apart!” and ran away in tears.
The Chart says I don’t have to ask you that question. You are the picture of that young woman. You project to everyone a happy, optimistic attitude, but for the last couple of years your self identity, your career, your ability to give and receive affection, your financial resources, have been battered. The more neutral word is “tested”. But your sense of self, and self-confidence have been shaken. And as someone with very strong emotions, you only bruise on the inside. You feel as if nobody has a clue how bad you feel inside.
So, if life is a banquet, the next course will be a feeling of loneliness and Depression, made worse by the fact that you will believe that no one understands what is going on inside your soul. There is a line in a movie where a young woman who has been abandoned by her lover and is about to be deported to a rather unpleasant place, says: “I’ve been frightened, I’ve been alone, without money or friends, but I’ve never felt anything like this.”
So the good news is this— as trying as 2015 will be for your inner feelings, 2016 looks completely different. It looks very positive for work and luck.
So how do you handle the next 18 months? Give yourself permission to express your inner feelings. You have a natural talent to write and to communicate. Take this time to get in touch with your heart and soul. See if you can help others. Understand that there is a warm glow of love from your family and your true friends that surrounds you.
Remember that everybody goes through these periods, to one extent or another. Unlike you, few get hit all at once. And you can learn a lot from this period. When my colleague burst into tears, I did not know how to react to help her. Now that I am older and have experienced such times, I know now how I could have helped. So too you will know after next year.”
There are some things I agree with in the above. Yes – my self identity, my career, my ability to give and receive affection have been “tested” and perhaps also battered. My sense of self and self-confidence have been shaken. I am a person with very strong emotions and for a long time I was / might still be bruised on the inside. I experienced a great deal of suffering this past year and this impacted me a lot – so to the extent that I decided to change my life. However, there are some things I do not agree with – I don’t think I’m the woman who pretends that everything is OK when it’s not. Maybe I’ve been her, but I’m not her anymore. That is why I started this blog; to be completely honest about my journey and to share both the happy and the difficult times. I have no interest whatsoever in pretending that things are good when they’re not.
After reading the email multiple times, calming myself down and getting some perspective, I’ve decided to take a way one clear message: to continue to get more in touch with my heart and soul. By walking this path I’ve discovered just how much strengh I have inside and that I CHOOSE the way I want to look at things. I can either chose to let this email scare me and make me prepare for yet ‘another difficult year’ – OR I can choose to take the messages I find relevant out of it and continue. Like a good friend of mine told me: “You see, trying times, difficult times are going to happen. It’s part of life. But it’s OUR reaction to how we handle these things that make the difference. It is our choice“. I’ve written several times that Fear is what can stop me. This is a perfect example of how I CANNOT GIVE POWER TO FEAR. I’ve decided to walk this path and I’m convinced that whatever happens, happens for a reason and for the best. I also strongly believe that I don’t get what I want from the universe, I get what I need. I know I won’t get anything I can’t handle, so whatever awaits me – I’m here and I’m ready.
“Reality is not so much what happens to us; rather, it is how we think about those events that create the reality we experience. In a very real sense, this means that we each create the reality in which we live.” ~ Dr. Albert Ellis