Yesterday I found myself with a feeling of being stuck. My sister and I have decided to start a common project in order to have a continuous income, so that we then can focus on our own passion projects. I love this common project, it’s something I feel very passionate about and what I do on a daily basis anyway. Even though I do see the simplicity of creating it, I found myself yesterday focused on all the problems and difficulties. I decided to stop working, because I knew this negative mindset wouldn’t get me anywhere. This morning i woke up at 05:19 and number 519 is telling me to ‘follow my intuition and go with the flow of the changes that are taking place in my life’ and to ‘stay positive about myself, my life and my future’. It was telling me to let go of ‘old shackles of restraint to make room for the new‘.
First I couldn’t understand what old things I needed to let go off – I’ve already let go of my ex boyfriend, my job and many other things that no longer serve me. But then I got it – I needed to let go of old working behaviours. I’ve always been a person with an attitude of ‘Go, just go!‘ – I’ve never really thought too much when starting up new things and I’ve focused on the positive parts. This attitude has always lead me to finalize big projects. However, I’ve spend the past 3,5 years working in a big international and corporate environment, where this attitude hasn’t always been appreciated. I’ve been told that I’m ‘like a bull‘, that I need to promote my projects better internally (i.e. create hundreds of Power Point’s) and that I can’t go ahead without approvals from all stakeholders etc. I’ve never really fitted in, but I have adapted. What I realized from my inability to start working on the project yesterday, was just how many blocks and concerns I’ve taken on from my previous working years. I found myself creating a nice looking document with sophisticated wording (so I can show it to others and they can tell me how brilliant I am) and thinking of things that can go wrong. I left because I DON’T like this way of working. Instead I want to work in a flow, in a creative state of mind, with my intuition and my feelings.
When I feel asleep again I dreamt a beautiful dream that I was influencing and helping a lot of people. There was a lot of light, peace and happiness in the dream. When I re-read the 519 message this morning, I saw the following words: ‘the world needs you to shine your light’. I’m determined to let go of my old working habits and find back the real me. The ‘Go, just go‘ person who always made things happen with a smile on her face. Today I can see why I felt the way I did yesterday – nothing ever happens without a reason. Thank you universe!