My last period at work

My last period at work was not great. Actually, it was awful. Not because of what someone was doing, external pressure or something else like that (I love everyone I’ve worked with) – it was all me. A couple of months before I quit, I started feeling very bad in work situations. I got nervous, anxious and completely out of balance. Several times I felt close to a panic attack and it happened that I had leave work to go home and just cry. I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me… why couldn’t I manage to just be at work? Why was I so weak? My body was literally screaming for me to leave. It was telling me over and over again that this wasn’t the right place for me. When I ignored the smaller messages, I got bigger ones. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any more.

It was working in parallel: the more I opened up for my true desires –  the more ‘allergic’ I become to my current situation. Being in a meeting room was torture, discussing next years plans and reviewing numbers and budget drove me CRAZY. It got me to the point where I just wanted to leave my own skin. I basically had no other choice than to leave.

Now, I’m grateful for the strong reaction I had since it pushed me to make a decision. This has taught me to always listen to my internal signals and to what my body is telling me. It’s that little voice inside of me that will guide me in the right direction, not what others are telling me to do or what is considered as ‘the right thing’.

“Why do we have to listen to our hearts?” the boy asked.
“Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you will find your treasure.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

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