I went back to the healer a few days ago. It was an overwhelming experience and I haven’t been able to write about it until now. I’ve felt how my mind, that’s been fading during the past months, had started coming back into my presence. My ego had started taking back control and thoughts were distracting me from being fully present. During my last appointment with the healer, she opened up my closed heart. This time she opened up the flow of power from my stomach. This power is what fuels the desires of the heart.
She used oils, sang and massaged my body. I could feel how I suddenly had a “ball of fire” in my throat. That was negative energy burning she told me. My throat also swelled up, almost to the point where I couldn’t breath, but I stayed calm because I knew I was in safe hands. In the healing process, old emotions surfaced and I was crying when they left my body.
When she was done I started asking questions about my future (I thought it wouldn’t hurt to check). She became noticeable annoyed with me and said that she will know when my higher spirit decides that I’m ready for it. When I continued asking questions she became even more annoyed, at one point she even screamed at me. I got very irritated and remember thinking that I’m never coming to her. Why did she get so angry? I was just asking some questions. She yelled: ‘You don’t understand do you?! Your future is now, what you think will happen. Everything is now, nothing else exists.’ I was very uncomfortable with being screamed at, then all of the sudden a thought hit me: it wasn’t me she was screaming at – it was my ego. At that very moment, something truly amazing happened.
Something strong, almost like a comet, came from above and into my lower stomach. It was so extremely powerful that I fell to the floor and started crying hysterically. Then she said: ‘Now you understand. Now you understand that you’ve never been alone and that everything your hearts wants you already have.’ I could feel how that empty space in my body, that room of loneliness filled up and I knew that I understood. I felt the connection to the universe, to the divine. It was extremely powerful and it was pure love. Then I became angry, angry of all the lies I’ve been taught throughout my life. When my ego was removed I felt how we’re all connected, that we’re never alone even though our ego can make us believe so. I was angry, sad, happy, grateful, disappointed – all at once.
After a while I tried to stand up, but I couldn’t. I had the same feeling in my feet like when they’re asleep, but it was 100 times stronger. She helped me stand up and when she touched my feet the went “boooing”, like when you hit a drum and the movement goes out in waves. I started laughing hysterically, but still I couldn’t move. She said that I’m not used to feeling this strong energy. After about 15 min I could start walking slowly. This was one of the most incredible, chocking and amazing experiences of my life. For a moment I was connected to the divine.