Today, I met with the big boss to discuss about my departure. Two weeks ago I made an ask about being transferred with the company to New York. I knew that what I’d asked for was difficult. My objective of the request was to both show that I made an effort (and didn’t just leave one day), and also to turn it into a step-by-step process for both them and me. He wanted to make sure that the death of my friend/colleague wasn’t the reason to why I wanted to leave. I would lie if I said that things were back to normal after what happened. I still miss her a lot in the office. As we were the only Swedes we could talk openly about things like guys, sex and crazy parties in front of everyone else. If someone asked what we were talking about we’d just say “oh we’re just talking about this great hair product”. The fact that she chose to take her life has impacted me a lot. When you suffer deeply, it’s normal to start asking yourself fundamental life questions such as “How am I?”, “What do I want in life?”, “What is my purpose?” etc. As a consequence to this, I made a decision to change my life. This is something I never had the courage to do before. I didn’t respond to similar thoughts earlier as there were too much at risk (or so I thought). When you go through suffering and lose what’s really important, you can also lose fear. Now, I have no time to waste and I want to live life to the fullest. For that, I’m eternally grateful to my friend.
“I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call “The Physics of The Quest” — a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum. And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all – to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself… then truth will not be withheld from you.” Or so I’ve come to believe.”
– Elizabeth GIlbert, East, Pray, Love.