Most of us would say that the opposite of love is hate. Hate isn’t the opposite of love, fear is. Love and fear are our two only emotions, while the spin-off from these form our feelings. Our feelings can be positive such as joyful, peaceful, alive , satisfied and thankful or negative such as irritated, angry, vulnerable, embarrassed and alone. Knowing this has helped me a lot in understanding and taking control over my feelings.
A few months ago, my ex boyfriend told me that he had met someone new. We were together for 7 years and we met when were 18 years old. In my world, I had hoped that this day would never come (very realistic thought, I know). Even though I was the one breaking up with him, my whole world fell apart. A few minutes after he had told me I was on the floor shaking, puking and crying – all at the same time. Not a pretty sight I can tell you that. For three days I was home crying non-stop. I was even crying in my sleep. I was grieving our past and all the beautiful moments we’d had together. I was grieving our future and the fact that he would never be my husband nor the father of my kids.
Later, I realized that what I was crying for didn’t exist. I couldn’t grieve the past, because it had already happened. I couldn’t either grieve the future, because it hasn’t yet happen. There were no kids, no house, no wedding. It was all an illusion in my mind.
For a while, I was seriously considering asking him to take me back. If I felt this bad, I had to be with him, right? Luckily, my clever sister asked me if that would be a decision based on love or on fear. That’s when it all became so clear to me; it was all based on fear. It was based on the fear that he would replace me with someone else, of me not finding someone as good as him and of “losing” the future I had imagined for us. Acting on fear is never the right choice. It wouldn’t have been right towards him or myself. Today, I’m trying to feel nothing but happiness for him.
Letting go of fear isn’t easy, but when you do it sets you free.