I finally had the conversation. I told my managers (yes, in plural) that I made up my mind to leave my job and Paris. The only option, I told them, for me to stay would be if I could relocate to New York. This is tough since the office there is very small and they usually only transfer senior people. Next week we will discuss further about it and if that doesn’t work out, we will have to find a common solution. It went like I hoped for it to go, so I’m happy about that.
I feel great having told them this, it’s like a huge weight that gets lifted off my shoulders – I’m slowly getting back my freedom. When I get the question of what I want to do if I don’t stay, I tell them that I have a project that I’m working on. Truth to tell is that I don’t know yet. The women in New York told me that I would find my idea in writing. She told me to write down my thoughts and things that make me happy, and then my idea will come. It might be a mix of the first and last page, or some pieces here and there, but it will come. I just have to trust that it will.
Every time I’m making a move, the universe gives me something in return. Last week when I was traveling with a friend in Nice, I told her that I needed some time alone. After about 10 minutes, a stranger comes up to me while I was walking on the street. He said that I needed time to think right now and that I take distance from people because I need that space. He also said that my relationship ended because I needed freedom, that I love the ocean and the beach (well, who doesn’t?) and that my confidence isn’t very high right now. All of that is true. I’m grateful for what I’m receiving back, because it helps me to trust that everything will be ok in the end, and if it’s not ok it’s not the end.